The Strength in Sitting with Unpleasant Emotions
In today’s world, where quick fixes and instant gratification reign supreme, we often find ourselves running from discomfort. Whether it’s distracting ourselves with social media, numbing with food or alcohol, or simply avoiding the tough conversations we need to have, the message is clear: unpleasant emotions should be avoided at all costs. But what if I told you that learning to sit with these emotions is not a sign of weakness, but a profound strength? What if they could teach us some of the most important lessons about who we are?
Unpleasant emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear, or guilt, often carry a stigma. Society tends to label them as "negative" or "bad." Yet these emotions are neither inherently good nor bad—they are signals, messengers from within that alert us to something deeper. When we suppress or avoid them, we miss an opportunity to truly understand ourselves and grow.
What Unpleasant Emotions Teach Us
Self-Awareness: When we sit with our discomfort, we give ourselves the chance to explore what’s behind it. A pang of jealousy might point to an unmet need for recognition. Anger could highlight a boundary that has been crossed. Fear might be a sign of something you deeply care about. These emotions invite us to reflect on our values, priorities, and vulnerabilities.
Our Judgments: Often, unpleasant emotions come with an added layer of judgment—“I shouldn’t feel this way.” These judgments, formed by societal norms or personal beliefs, can limit us. For example, you might feel ashamed of your sadness because you’ve been taught that “strong people don’t cry.” By noticing and questioning these judgments, we begin to untangle ourselves from limiting beliefs that keep us stuck.
Compassion for Ourselves and Others: When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully, without judgment, we cultivate self-compassion. We start to understand that being human means experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, and that’s okay. This self-compassion naturally extends outward. When we’ve sat with our own sadness or fear, we’re better equipped to empathize with someone else’s pain.
The Path to Challenging Limiting Beliefs
Unpleasant emotions often bring to the surface stories we’ve been telling ourselves—stories like “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never succeed,” or “I’m too much.” When we take the time to sit with these emotions, we can start to challenge the beliefs underlying them. Is it really true that you’re not good enough? Or is that a narrative you picked up somewhere along the way? By gently questioning these beliefs, we create space for new, empowering stories to emerge.
Becoming Stronger Through Discomfort
Contrary to popular belief, sitting with unpleasant emotions doesn’t make us weaker. It makes us more resilient. Resilience isn’t about avoiding pain; it’s about navigating it with courage and curiosity. When we stop fearing our emotions, we free ourselves from their grip. We learn that we can handle discomfort, and that in itself is a profound strength.
Practical Steps for Sitting with Unpleasant Emotions
Pause and Breathe: When an uncomfortable emotion arises, resist the urge to react immediately. Instead, take a few deep breaths and ground yourself in the present moment.
Name the Emotion: Simply labeling what you’re feeling (“I’m feeling angry” or “I’m feeling scared”) can help you step out of reactivity and into awareness.
Get Curious: Ask yourself, “What is this emotion trying to tell me? Is there a need, value, or belief behind it?”
Challenge Judgments: Notice if you’re judging yourself for feeling a certain way. Replace harsh self-talk with kindness and curiosity.
Seek Support: Sometimes, emotions can feel overwhelming. Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or coach can help you process them in a safe space.
A More Compassionate World
When we learn to sit with our own unpleasant emotions, we become more understanding of the emotional struggles of others. Compassion, after all, begins with ourselves. By embracing discomfort, we build a foundation for greater empathy, stronger relationships, and a deeper sense of connection.
So, the next time you find yourself wanting to push an unpleasant emotion away, consider this: What might it be here to teach you? By leaning into your discomfort, you might just uncover the strength and wisdom you didn’t know you had.
I’m here for you. Let’s talk.
