Emotional Dumping vs. Emotional Venting

‘Emotional dumping’ is a rather toxic form of venting where you are unaware of your own emotional state and that of the listener

It is important to express your feelings and thoughts and not bottle them up. There are different ways of doing so, some are healthier and more helpful with processing emotions than others. There is, for example, a difference between ‘emotionally dumping’ and ‘venting’ your emotions.

A common form of letting out one's emotions is ‘emotional dumping’, which is a rather toxic form of venting where you are unaware of your own emotional state and the state of the listener. Although it can feel good at first, it overwhelms the listener as it includes blaming others, playing the victim, repeating oneself without the conscious intention of finding solutions nor of being open to feedback. Most importantly, ‘emotional dumping’ doesn’t include the consent of the listener. It can go on for a long time, span multiple topics and ignore objectives. It’s like an act of stealing time and energy from the listener. While ‘emotional dumping’ may feel good in the moment, it can worsen an angry emotional state rather than alleviating it.

Emotional Dumping:

☐ You feel like you are the victim & others to blame. 

☐ You feel compelled to talk about the same issue repeatedly followed by streams of other issues.

☐ It’s not about finding a solution and one’s own accountability isn’t questioned.

How can you work through emotional dumping:

☐ Take a step back & really consider the other person’s perspective. 

☐ Write your feelings to organize your thoughts & feelings to help have better perspective.

☐ Try using ‘I’ when talking about what is bothering you with the person involved e.g. “I feel that”, or “I think that”, as opposed to “‘You’ did this”, or “‘She/he made me”.

☐ Be open to the possibility that you may have made mistakes in the same situation & be open to look for a solution that can help solve the matter.

A more effective way to verbally express thoughts and feelings is venting. This involves two people: the processor and the (active) listener, who ideally supports the person venting by showing empathy and actively listening in a way that involves nodding, eye contact, reflecting on the person’s feelings and asking open-ended questions. Effective venting reduces stress and feelings of loneliness, broadens one's perspective and increases overall feelings of well-being.

Emotional Venting:

☐ You express your feelings & thoughts in a non-accusatory way (no blaming)

☐ You are accountable & can acknowledge the other’s perspective (no victimizing)

☐ You are open to solutions & will usually focus on one issue at a time.

Rather than saying “you made me feel…” or “because you did this…”, it is better to make an “I” statement in a conversation. 

If you really feel like you are struggling, you can reach out and speak with a qualified psychotherapist. Online consultations are as effective as in person.

You can contact me for more information: admin@alfordjeremy.com