“Social Comparison”

This tendency to compare ourselves with others was first proposed as “Social Comparison Theory” by a psychologist named Leon Festinger. This theory centers on the belief that there is a drive within  individuals to gain accurate self evaluation regarding their abilities, attitudes and traits by comparing themselves to others, mainly to those in our peer groups. Social comparison is usually strongest in kids and young adults but never quite goes away when you get older. 

Social media has taken social comparison to a new level. Many people try to show only the best moments of their lives and the pictures they deem most attractive. This can make us feel inadequate and worse about ourselves. 

There are two types of social comparison: Downward and upward. When we perceive someone to be superior to us, we may feel stressed or bad about ourselves. The opposite can happen if we perceive some sort of advantage or superiority over someone else, which can make us feel better temporarily. But propping up our self-worth through downward comparison isn’t a sustainable strategy to make us feel good about ourselves.

What can you do about this if you want to change?

☐ Identify your triggers

If you find yourself in a situation where you envy someone for something and it makes you feel bad about yourself, write down how you felt and why. This can help you catch yourself in the future.

☐ Keep track of your own achievements

Try to record your own achievements, good deeds, things you are proud of etc., by writing them down. No matter how big or small they were, if they made you feel good, write them down. We tend to focus too much on the negative, this can be very helpful

☐ Find a role model to look up to or learn from

Comparing yourself to a more public figure and learning from them can help not to constantly feel bad about yourself like it may be the case when you compare yourself to your peers.

☐ Find someone to team up with

Creating a team to help each other with motivation and achieving things can be very beneficial. You can remind each other of goals and plans and celebrate achieving them.

☐ Do things for others

Even small altruistic acts can make you feel good about yourself. Doing good things for family, friends or strangers is a great way to achieve that.

If however you really feel like you are struggling, you can reach out and speak with a qualified psychotherapist. Online consultations are as effective as in person.

You can contact me for more information: admin@alfordjeremy.com